So the song goes, “have a Holly Jolly Christmas, it’s the best time of the year”. Maybe for some….but as I talked about during our 1st Christmas with out Alexander it isn’t always easy to be jolly this time of year.
Alexander second and last Christmas was spent in the hospital. He had been there since November 17th, and wouldn’t leave until December 31st. We tried to make it nice. Samta visited. We had a nice Christmas lunch. But, really, how nice is a hospital room on Christmas? Not too nice.
I was at a meeting of the Compassionate Friends last week and I was talking about how I was finding it very hard to be HAPPY and see the JOY of Christmas through the eyes of my two girls. Julia especially is very excited this year. She mailed off her first letter to Santa, and was so excited to help decorate the trees. I bought this cute little thing for the tree. It is a Mouse holding a candle – you Blow on the candle and it turns all the lights on and off! She is very happy about it.
I was saying to the group, that I think I am AFRAID to enjoy their joy. I am afraid to smile too much. Why? Because, of the what if’s…..what if they get cancer and die too. What if they get in an accident….what if and alien kidnaps them! Okay, maybe not so much about the alien, but you get the point.
When you loose a child it changes you forever. Part of your heart is broken in a way that can never be fixed. I could have a dozen more children (YIKES!) and even then, I would still have that missing piece. Nothing can repair that part of my heart. Nothing.
This Christmas (and everyone for that matter!) When you are getting stressed about wrapping presents, baking the cookies, and getting all your shopping done, please take a minute to just PAUSE and be thankful for all that you DO have. If it gets too overwhelming, just STOP. You don’t have to bake the cookies, or buy and wrap all the presents. It will all just be okay. Say a little prayer for for those in the hospital, those in the military who are far away from their families. And say an extra special prayer for those of us who are brokenhearted.