Today Alexander would have been 6 years old. He should have just finished up kindergarten and be moving on to 1st grade. But alas, he is not. He is forever 21 months old. 21 months 3 days old to be exact. Elizabeth turned that age on June 24th. Both my girls are now older than their brother ever was (big giant sigh…..)
We once again had Oreo Cookie Day on June 25th. If you missed it this year, don’t worry! ANY day is a good day to eat Oreo’s and to celebrate LIFE!!!
Today was overall a good day. Julia had a little camp to go to in the morning. We went and got Alexander a birthday balloon, but did not have a chance to bring it to him as she had her 3 year check up today. All is well with her!
This afternoon, we went to Build a Bear, so Julia could get a new friend with a gift card she got for her Birthday. When I was pregnant with Alexander, my birthday fell on President’s day that year. Build a Bear sent me a Free Bear to celebrate! (but sadly I didn’t get one this year!) I choose a Bunny. Alexander never got to play with the bunny, but I have slept with it ever since he died. It was “his” bunny, so I feel close to him when I have it. Well, Miss Julia also likes my bunny, and will sometimes “borrow” it! Today, she picked out her OWN bunny to have! (Whew! no more sharing for mommy!) Because it was Alexander’s birthday, I wanted to do a kindness in his name. I bought a gift card, and had written a note about it being Alexander’s birthday, and that he had died from STUPID cancer. I also put a few of my favorite Facebook pages about Childhood cancer on it. There was a family in the store with a little boy who looked to be about 6 years old. We choose him to give it to. Julia handed the boy the card, and I told the mom and grandma, that there was a note explaining why he was getting the card. (lest they think we were scary people – heck they might have thought it anyway!!)
Tonight we had a special dinner of Lobsters (because it is summer and why the heck not!?) and I got an Oreo Ice Cream Cake. Julia enjoyed putting the candles on, and wearing a party hat, singing, and blowing out the candles for Alexander. I have seen other friends do similar things, and I had never thought to do it. But this year, now that Julia is getting older and is understanding more, it just seemed to be right to celebrate this way.
Julia turned 3 last week. Poor thing was sick on her birthday with a fever. I had a bit of PTSD over this. Alexander had a wonderful 1st birthday, but the next day he woke up with 103 fever. He spent 27 days in the hospital including some time in the PICU. Deep down I knew Julia just had a virus or cold, but that PTSD has a nasty way of sneaking up on you!!!
Julia will be going to pre-school in the fall. Another milestone Alexander didn’t get to achieve. But, I am feeling good about it. I have been working with a new therapist on PTSD, and moving FORWARD (not, not moving ON – but FORWARD). Yes, there many be moments that I am sad that Alexander never got to go to school. However, right now I am much more filled with JOY that Julia IS going to school! I already have a backpack for her, and I look forward to going to the store in August to pick out some school supplies for her. We had a little orientation that was held in the Library. I remembered going to the library when I was in school, and getting to order from the Scholastic Book fair. I was excited to think about all the new things she was going to learn at school!