Nothing too exciting to write about, but I have a few things running around in my head.
1st. Toddler bedtime! Miss J, is an expert at taking her time to get to bed! Drives us crazy some nights. One more book…..I am thirsty….turn the light on, I am afraid of the dark (despite her nightlight) . Tonight was an easy night – because she didn’t take a nap! Ah – the nap – so good for me, so I can get a nap. But, if she takes a long one, that it is harder to get her to bed at night. If she doesn’t take one at all, then she is crazy at night!!
The logical part of me knows that she needs to get to sleep at a reasonable hour, because if she doesn’t then she will be cranky pants the next day! I have things I need/want to do at night – and can’t if she is awake.
Then there is the “cancer mom” part of me. The part that worries, and thinks “so what if I read and snuggle with her forever. She might get cancer tomorrow, and then what!??! I missed so much snuggle time with Alexander! After he got sick, he was always hooked up to something (even at home!) so it was hard to snuggle!!”
Yup. That is the mind of a cancer mom. We go down that road. Not every night – but often.
And on that topic of STUPID cancer….there is often a debate among the cancer world – are those dealing with cancer “fighting” are the on a “journey” did they “win or loose” the battle!?!?
For me, I say that Alexander fought a battle with STUPID cancer and lost. Some people might think that is wrong to say he “lost” his battle. To them, “loosing” implies a person didn’t fight hard enough, or well, or something like that. But, I look at it differently. I look at cancer as a BATTLE. It is one that people fight very hard. STUPID cancer is an EVIL beast, and it can’t always be beaten. I liken it to soldiers fighting in a war. War is also an evil beast, and sometimes people die in it. But we don’t look at those people as being a looser. We call them HERO’S! Those that make it home from the war front are also called HERO’S!
So for me, any one fighting a battle against STUPID cancer, is a HERO, no matter what the outcome.
We have this quote on Alexander’s headstone. He fought a very hard battle, and put up a good (No GREAT) fight. It may have beaten him, but we know now that he is Safe in the arms of God and His Angels.