Time is a weird thing. Sometimes you can’t remember what happened five days ago; and other times you can remember things that happened a long time ago with crystal clarity. Today is one of those days for me. Five years ago today, We lost our son, Alexander, to cancer. I remember Alexander returning to the ICU at around 2:00 am and our surgeon telling us that Alexander did great in his 16 hour surgery. I remember getting up at around 6:00 am and getting ready to go over to the ICU. I remember going past a video game Galaxian and wanting to play it. Something in my mind said you should go to Alexander so I passed the game and gave it a second look. I remember walking into the ICU and seeing the surgeon heading out and him saying that Alexander is doing great even though he was crashing as we spoke. I remember turning the corner and seeing a bunch of activity around one of the rooms and thinking, “they are doing rounds” and then getting closer and realizing that it was Alexander’s room. << what the F*ck. Fatale crash restarting Microsoft word. Where the hell is my document. Slam…. one hour later after doing some dishes. Ok now I have to restart this document.>> Alexander was crashing for the first time and the doctor’s and nurses in the ICU were trying to save his life. Someone quickly moved me to the back of the room to be with Nancy, my wife. I will spare you all of the details that are still burned in my mind. Alexander crashed again; about the same time as I was writing this document for the first time, five years ago today. I remember holding Alexander as he passed away around 12:40pm
I remember going to the hospital garage getting packing up some of our stuff that we had brought to the hospital and finding a book (Noble Dead series) that I had misplace and though lost before going home. I don’t remember the drive. I remember very little of the next week as we prepared for Alexander’s funeral.
Time has moved on Nancy and I have two beautiful children Julia, almost four, and Elizabeth, 2 1/2. Where has all of the time gone? I can list off lots of stuff that happened some of the very slowly and some of them very fast. Slow ones my wife being pregnant twice, my 22 hour work day Sunday into Monday mornings. The fast one Elizabeth’s 2-3 hour open heart surgery and then being out of the hospital in one week.
I would like to say to all of my friend in the group no one wants to be it. Thank you for all of your support over the last five years. Nancy and I think about your families all the time as your anniversaries of your children passing comes along. To Camp Sunshine Thank you for the Services that you provide to all of the families going through cancer and bereavement of children who have passed. To my family, thanks for your support.
To all of my other friends, remember that time is a weird thing. Play, love and enjoy ever minute with you children and family. Because I pray that you never have a day where all of the details are burned in you mind like my day five years ago.