thecookiegal

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Enjoy every moment

on August 22, 2015

When Alexander was first born, I thought he was kind of boring.  I mean, all he did was eat and sleep.  As he got holder, he did start making little cute noises.  And then he became a little active – rolling around from his back to his belly.  Then he sat up, and was playful.   Then he got STUPID cancer.   At first he was just so sick.  He didn’t do much again but sit with us or in his hospital crib.  But after a little while, he did start to become playful again.  But he never crawled or walked (although looking back I am kind of glad about that now, because he was on TPN <IV Nutrition> for up to 24 hours a day!  chasing a little boy with an IV pole or bag would have been a real adventure!)

As you know, Alexander died when he was just 21 months old.  He never got to be 2.  He never went to pre-school. He will never go off to High School, or college or get married.   He is forever 21 months.

I get so upset when I hear people say things like “Oh why is my baby growing up?”  or “I wish they could stay this young forever”.   Deep down, I know they are just being nostalgic, but really, I just want to scream “JUST BE F-ING GRATEFUL THAT THEY ARE GROWING UP!!  ENJOY THE FACT THAT THEY ARE GROWING UP.  YOU WOULDN’T WANT THEM TO BE FOREVER THAT AGE!!!”

When Alexander was born I imagined a life for him – a future, things we would do as a family.  Those hopes and dreams are gone now.   With the girls, I try not to think to far ahead – part of the PTSD I suppose.  But instead, I am just enjoying every day and every change with them.   When they were babies, I again thought they were kind of boring. Although, after we had Elizabeth, I did enjoy those quiet moments of rocking her to sleep, after a day of running around with Julia.  And there are times, I wish that I could just rock them to sleep and not have them be wiggle monsters.   But mostly, I am just trying to live in the moment, and enjoy whatever moment that is.

Right now I am enjoying watching Julia’s imagination grow!  It is fun to see the world through her eyes.   Last week we were baking cupcakes.  While we were waiting for them to bake, she went to her play kitchen to bake some more “cupcakes”.  Because it was late, and we wanted to frost the real ones, I put them in the fridge to cool off.  Shen then did the same with her pretend cupcakes.  I took her to a little museum this week, that had a play kitchen.  She spent such a long time in that one space!!

Elizabeth is growing up too.  She enjoys her blocks and bucks and putting hats on her head.  It is fun to watch her too.

Perhaps one day when they are older, I will long for these days of them being silly and playing make-believe.  But for now, I am loving the age they are, and looking forward to how they will grow up and change.

Every age is special.  Enjoy the moment.

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4 responses to “Enjoy every moment

  1. Jane says:

    Beautiful

  2. Therese camp says:

    Love your general reflection. I enjoy mine each day. 💫

  3. THANK YOU for writing this. You could have taken the words right out of my mouth. People bemoaning ” my baby growing up” or getting sad that my ” youngest is 18″ I feel like that’s a luxury. I’m thoroughly enjoying my surviving kids’ teen years, I’m seeing a lot of my previous hard work pay off. Wishing I had more than just memories wth Jacob.

  4. sdebassio says:

    Hi Nancy, Thanks for this. Though I may be guilty of occasionally wishing Joey could be little again or stay a certain age, I am someone who is extremely grateful to have him growing up and getting older.(I think that when I have had these feelings it was mostly being amazed at how quickly kids grow up instead of not wanting him to grow up). I have seen too many people like you who have had to say good bye to their child. Also, I longed to have Joey for several years and I am thankful for him everyday. In terms of kids, he is all I have and I enjoy every moment with him. Sounds like Julia and Elizabeth are loads of fun and at really cute ages. Oh, by the way, Joey just went to school for and earned his CDL-A truck driver license! It was the hardest thing he ever did but he succeeded and we are so proud! : )

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