Julia was having a rough time this morning. One that only a 2 year old can understand! There was nothing “wrong” with her, she wasn’t hurt or hungry. Her diaper was fine. Maybe she was just tired? Maybe she was upset because I was going upstairs and leaving her to play with all her toys? I don’t know. But what I do know, was that she was crying many tears, and was just really sad. I thought about what it would be like if she was sick, really sick, like Alexander had been. How hard it would have been to hear her say “no” to the shots, the lines, the chemo, the x-rays.
Alexander was only 8 months old when he was diagnosed. The day he was diagnosed he recived an IV, and his arm was tapped to a board so the line wouldn’t come out. He had monitors attached to him, and he had people poking at him day and night. He would eventually get an NG tube shoved down his nose. When the doctor first told us about it, he said “It only hurts for a minute”. I said to him “oh, so you have had one?” I think the doctor knew right then and there that we were not ones to be messed with or told some fake words of “comfort” to get us thru! We wanted to know the truth when it came to what would happen to our son.
Alexander never said no to anything we did to him. He never said why me mommy? He didn’t say anything because he never talked. Not one word – not even mama or dada. Before he was diagnosed he did do some babbling, but after, it stopped. We never knew why. Maybe it was the tumor? Maybe it was the feeding tube? I am sure he would have cried and screamed if he could have.
But, really, he just accepted things. He did fight me when I had to drop the NG tube, but other than that he really just did what needed to be done. I actually find it sad really. At one point, he was having x-rays 2-3 times a DAY to check on the status of fluid in his belly. He had to sit on a little block, and I had to hold his hands up over his head. He just let me do it. He didn’t fight me. He had multiple ultrasounds. Again, he didn’t fight it. I had to give him daily shots after chemo. He cried, but didn’t try to run away from it. It was all just normal to him. It was part of his life and he seemed to have learned to have accepted it.
As hard as it is to hear Julia and Elizabeth Cry and fight me when they are sad, or need medication, I will gladly take it. Because to them, it is an unusual not normal thing. I pray that they will NEVER have to have medicine, x-rays, or shots become “normal” to them.