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School Days

This week my news feed on Facebook has been filled with people commenting about their kids going back to school.  They seem to fall into three categories:

1.  Excited for their children to be going back – and talking about the kids excitement.

2. “Sad” because their kids are “growing up to fast” and moving on in years.

3.  Very sad, because their children are no longer living, and moving on in grades.  Some sad, because their younger children are now reaching a grade that the child that had died never did.

When Alexander was born I always felt I would have fallen into the the first category.  I remember being so excited for the first day of school.  Getting a new outfit, school supplies, the picture at the front door.  I looked forward to the day Alexander would get to go to school to play and learn new things.  I don’t think my parents were ever “sad” that I was growing up too fast, and if they were they hid it well.
That is one category I just don’t understand – perhaps because Alexander never got to grow up.   Shouldn’t we be HAPPY our children are growing up, are healthy and learning new things?   Sure, I miss the snuggly times we had when Julia was a new born, but it is so great to see her learning new things.  I love watching her play with her toys, figuring them out.  Each day she seems to learn something new.

I wonder if in a year or two I will fall into category number 3, when my friends children that are the same age as Alexander start going to school.  Sometimes I do wonder now, what he would be doing, what he would be learning in preschool.  but, I have also found I can’t focus on that or I will just get to sad.  However, I do understand the sadness that my friends that had older children that were already in school have.

So for those that are sad because their kids are going back to school – don’t be – they are just growing up the way they should be!  Celebrate this!  Take those pictures at the front door, and take them out for an Ice Cream when they get home, and listen to all the things they learned that day. One day, not too long from now, they might not be so excited about going to school.

For those that are sad because their children are gone – take a LOT of deep breaths – take your living children out for ice cream, and if you don’t have other children, take yourself out for ice cream.  Praying that these days will be bearable for you.


Missing Alexander

I have been down the last couple of days – missing Alexander. It isn’t that I don’t ALWAYS miss him, but some days and weeks are harder than others.

This weekend we went to a wedding in NH.  It was very nice, but in the car there and back, I kept looking back at Julia and just wishing Alexander was there.  We didn’t go to Story Land or Santa’s Village, because I think Julia is just a little too young for it, but how I wish we could have been there with Alexander AND Julia!  I know he would have loved it, and with him there I would have been okay having Julia there too.

We were out to dinner, and they had a kids menu with crayons.  I showed them to Julia and she seemed pretty fascinated by the crayons, but of course once I gave them to her she ate them!  Alexander never got to use crayons – he was too little. Maybe he could have near the end – but we never did even try them.  I don’t know why.

Julia loves the swings at the park.  Alexander never went on the Swing. He was sick at 8 months old, and it was still winter.  Then, he was in the hospital for most of the summer – then he was on TPN 24 hours a day, so he couldn’t really swing with that, then Winter again, then he was gone.  I am sad for him that he didn’t get to have that fun activity in his life.  He missed out on so much.

STUPID cancer robs so many children of the simplest things in life – it SUCKS!!!!



Sharing another Blog

Another grieving mom posted this blog.  It is very well written.


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