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New Year, New Chapter

on December 30, 2012

Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. A time for the year to end, and for a new year to start. Many people make resolution this day – decide to go to the gym more often, diet etc. Many people do not keep those resolutions.

For us, 2013 will be the year we celebrate Julia’s first birthday.  Richard and I will have our 7th Wedding Anniversary. I will turn (gasp!) 40, and, we will start living more of our lives with OUT Alexander than we had WITH him. Yes, on January 1, 2013 it will be 21 months since our beautiful boy took his last breath. It is hard to believe it has been that long. It still seems like yesterday in many ways.

In these 21 months we have said good bye to several of Alexander’s friends – some we knew well, some just in passing at the clinic. All lives cut too short. My friend Rosanne also died last year after a 5 year fight with stupid cancer. I went to 2 funerals for two men that died unexpectedly, one while participating in a charity bike race! I went to the funeral for a friend whose son was born into the arms of Jesus, never even taking his first breath outside of his mothers womb.

It has not been an easy 21 months for us in a lot of ways. The sadness I feel on many days is difficult to describe – only those that have lived the horror that we have gone through can understand.

Tonight I was texting with a friend (yes, I have become a text chatter like a crazy teenager!) and I was mentioning what I just said – how we will start to live longer without Alexander than we did with him. Ever the positive person (and she is one person that DOES get it – her precious girl died the month before Alexander), she helped me to turn my sadness around – to look at this new year as a new chapter in the Julia files. I also think, I need to look at it in the positive that at least we HAD Alexander for 21 months! The first child that we knew from the hospital that died lived just over 1 year. Another mom I have since met, lost her daughter who was younger than Alexander. Another mom I met only had her son for 3 days (he did not die from cancer – doesn’t matter, it all still sucks) .

So my resolution for the new year, is to try to focus more on the POSITIVE. To remember all the GOOD times we had with Alexander. And despite all the STUPID CANCER stuff, we did have a lot of good times! The last month we had with him was wonderful! I also find myself the happiest when I am helping others – reaching out to other families that are going through stupid cancer things, doing things for them, raising money and awareness for childhood cancer (and off course making Pillow Cases!)

As you think about a resolution you might want to make, consider not what you can do to better YOURSELF, but what you can do for OTHERS – those around you – your friends, you family, strangers in need.

And in the last words of Cole, whose 1 year Angel Anniversary is coming up in January,




6 responses to “New Year, New Chapter

  1. Kathy Moynihan says:

    Your strength and optimism have always amazed me! You continue to do positive things and function dispute everything, and reach out to others. Your Angel is guiding you in so many ways that you don’t see, but those around you feel each and every day. I hope I can learn from you and take your advice. I have lost my Mom, Dad, and Sister in the last 26 months and have trouble just functioning, I can’t imagine your loss yet you continue to do for others! Thank you for you continued sharing. I wish you a blessed 2013, and hope to follow you lead with my New Year’s Resolution. 🙂

  2. jane mulcahy says:

    Nancy, I would say that you have been to all of us around you, that person you are hoping to be…you have been honest but hopeful, you have been authentic through this whole process of grief and you are an inspiration

  3. Donna says:

    I am sorry for the loss of your dear sweetie, Alexander. I happened to stumble onto your blog and found it very interesting. I feel the same way about grieving forward as I, too know the anguish of losing a young son. My Michael was 27 months “old” and my daughter Lisa just 9 and a half months. They were killed (along with my husband) instantly in an auto wreck. I just passed the 28 year mark. I was 28 when the wreck happened so it has been a particularly bittersweet anniversary. Living an entire lifetime now, without my first two children. God has been with me though, every step of the way.
    Through faith in Jesus, I not only survived, but (at least subjectively!) feel I’ve “thrived” after recovering. This year I started a blog and if you’d like to learn more, please feel free to check it out… I, like you, have always felt I’ve received more than I ever gave, by helping others, especially bereaved Moms in the “club nobody wants to join.”
    Hoping your New Year is abundantly blessed, Donna

  4. Erin says:

    I am glad that you are choosing to hope, and try to focus on the positive. Remember though, to everything there is a season, and it will ALWAYS be appropriate for you to have times of mourning for your boy. I am praying for you always. Hugs, Erin

  5. Marie says:

    It doesn’t get easier. It just doesn’t. However, as time goes on, you will receive more and more blessings, as we all do as we live out God’s plan. They don’t replace, but they do remind us that there are good things in the world, and lots of good people.

    Heard from the proverbial grape vine that the princess made her debut at FuddRuggers (??). She is a WOMAN.

    Take care. Thanks for the plug. Let me know what you would like CC to do to help the February second gala. A basket, whatever?

    Marie Nader ConKerr Cancer Massachusetts Coordinator; Board Member 978-448-2636

  6. SusanB says:

    This was a very uplifting post during what can be a tremendously hard on the heart time of year. You’ve got a way of spinning a thread of joy through a difficult topic. And thank you for calling it “STUPID” cancer.

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