So I made it through the second Christmas without Alexander. It was an okay day with happy moments. Julia slept in which was lovely, but then I woke up at 7am thinking I heard her, and I couldn’t fall back to sleep. My brain was just going – thinking about how much I missed Alexander. When Julia did get up, we opened presents with her. She was VERY excited by them which was a lot of fun to see! We went over to my mom’s house and opened presents with her and my sister. It was nice. Richard’s mom and sister came to join us for lunch. Julia did NOT nap at all during the day but was still very happy! Later in the day we went to visit my Aunt and Grand Aunt. Julia had a very nice visit with them. My Grand Aunt is 93 years old and has good days and not so good days. Yesterday was a GOOD day. Julia sat with her for quite a while and they had a nice visit. My Aunt gave me a present for Alexander – it was a beautiful Crystal Angel! I will be sure to put that in a special place for all to see.
Julia took a brief nap in the car on the way down and back, but never did have a proper nap! Thankfully she did fall asleep pretty quickly once we came home. The mid part of the day I was very happy, and had a very nice time. By the evening however, I was feeling sad yet again.
A snow storm is heading our way, so it was decided that the plans with Richard’s family would have to change. We had planned on getting together with them on Thursday, and I took the day off from work. However, with the snow, it was better to do it today, and I had to work. Richard took Julia off without me. He did take pictures and it looked like they had a very nice time.
As I have read the posts and blogs of families that have been at this “Christmas without their child” thing longer than I have, I see I am not alone in my feelings. People that are working on their 5th year without their child, said that it wasn’t any easier – perhaps harder!
Some might think that this year would be “better” for us because we have Julia. But really, I think it was harder because we have Julia. I was missing Alexander so much – wishing he was here to teach Julia about presents. Wishing we could have been baking cookies to leave out for Santa. But he wasn’t here and never will be. We will make these new memories with Julia as she grows older, but there will always be a hole in our hearts that will never be filled.
So over all – it wasn’t a bad day, it wasn’t a good day. It was a bearable day.