thecookiegal

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Anger

on September 5, 2012

During Alexander’s Treatment, I never really got “angry”.  However, this week – I have been feeling a lot of anger. I don’t know where it is coming from – maybe from all the posts I have been seeing on Facebook about Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  It isn’t a mad angry, more of a sad angry.

 

I am angry that:

  1. Alexander Died.
  1. That all but one of the kids we knew or knew of with neuroblastoma have either died or had a relapse
  1. That researchers are working on new ways to target neuroblastoma, but that it is too late for my Alexander
  1. That there it takes MILLIONS of dollars to run for President – (I have seen $20,000 a plate dinners !), but really that money could go for so many BETTER things!  If only we could have a $20,000 a plate dinner for pediatric cancer research!
  1. That I have made a ton of new friends this year – friends I should have NEVER met, but because of STUPID CANCER and because Alexander died, I have met them.  (However, I will also add that I am VERY glad I had these friends during Alexander’s treatment and that I have new friends to support me on the journey on the “other side” of cancer)
  1. That even those kids that make it into Remission, may end up with many lifelong side effects.  Hearing Loss, infertility, damage to organs and other body functions, risks of SECONDARY cancers!
  1. That Alexander died.

 

 

 

To help with all this, I do try to do things that are POSITIVE!  I like to give back to the unit that Alexander spent most of his time on.  I have done Easter Baskets and Christmas Stockings as well as some other things. It is fun buying them for the kids and imagining their reactions.

 

I would someday like to be a Parent Advocate in a hospital, to help those families going through what we went through.  I want to be able to teach other parents to be a “Mean Mommy (or daddy)” and to stand up for their children when needed.  Too often parents will look to a doctor as a god, and just listen because the “Doctor” said so.  One time I had a resident trying to tell me that Alexander’s heart rate was “okay”, and it was low from the medication.  I knew that he was wrong – it was normal for a kid is age, but not for my Alexander!  Thankfully, the nurse knew Alexander well, and helped to get a more senior doctor involved.

 

 

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6 responses to “Anger

  1. Betty Courtenay says:

    I wish I could say or do something to help you but I have no idea what. They say anger is a normal emotion, but there is nothing “normal” about cancer. STUPIDCANCER!
    I definitely agree that all the money spent on elections could be put to much better use

  2. jane mulcahy says:

    sometimes we have to get angry

  3. PamSue says:

    I hate that you have a reason to feel that anger but I’m proud of you for using that anger to do something to help the problem rather than hurt yourself. Keep fighting the hard fight my friend. (And I for one am thankful to have your fb reminders. It reminds me to keep praying.)

  4. Isabel Dagas says:

    I still get angry, even after 12 years. Out of all the Children that we started treatment with, Julia is the only one that died. I am happy that the other children are doing well, but angry that Julia is not here with me. I guess the anger is good, and it is good to get it out. To keep it internally only causes damage. I am glad we got to know each other and became friends. I am angry that it was because of stupid cancer. Hugs to you! ❤

  5. Melissa says:

    Anger is a natural emotion with grief, especially the sad type of anger. very true that you don’t get over grief or loss, but over time you figure out how to live with it. What you do every day spreading the word for awareness, and helping kids and families cope with their journey, is remarkable. No need to feel bad about your feelings. So sorry that you, Alexander and your family had to go through that experience. Just reading how many kids are effected, and recently experiencing the loss of a few great (adults) to cancer, ,makes me angry too. Thinking about you during this difficult month.

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