Hello everyone!! We are enjoying our new beautiful daughter Julia very much! She is a very happy baby!!! She has started to give us little smiles, and I am sure a laugh isn’t far away.
Before we had her, Richard and I went and met with a therapist. We wanted to “be prepared” for the emotions we were sure were going to come our way. After I gave birth to Alexander, I didn’t THINK I had any kind of postpartum depression, but I think that I did have some. People were always telling me “he is such a beautiful baby”, but I just couldn’t see that. I would smile and say thank you, but I didn’t really understand why they were pointing it out to me (looking back now though at pictures I totally understand – he WAS a beautiful baby!!!)
Julia was due just after Alexander’s birthday, which was bringing up all sorts of emotions for me before she was born. I was afraid she would be BORN on his birthday, and I really did not want that. I didn’t want any of my kids to share a birthday, never mind one with an angel! (I even have a grand plan, that if I ever have twins, to have them born on different days – heck, I would go for December 31 and Jan 1 if I could!) As I mentioned in a previous post, Julia arrived exactly one week BEFORE Alexander’s birthday. Her birth was filled with emotions for so many reasons, however having talked about it BEFORE it happened was very helpful to the both of us.
I have had some emotional days thinking about Alexander, but in general I have been very happy. It is strange though now packing things up to go out for a visit or to the store. With Alexander we always had to make sure we had his medications, his TPN machine, make plans to be home in time to take the TPN out to warm up. We really couldn’t take him any place because of the fear of the germs and how sick he was. On clinic days, there was always a bag in the car “just in case” we had to be admitted (okay, so it took me a bit to have that ready – just a little denial!) With Julia however, we need the diapers, her bottles, formula, a change of clothes. Normal baby things. And, if something happened and we forgot something – or even the WHOLE BAG – while it would be a pain, we could deal with it. We could find a Target, Walmart, or even just a CVS and get anything that we would need – no big deal. It is a very different experience.
Right now as Julia is growing, and doing baby things, I am trying to remember how Alexander was at that age. We are looking at pictures and comparing things. But, as she gets older, and gets to that 8 month mark, it will be so different for us. Alexander wasn’t a “normal” baby after 8 months. He had new goals and milestones, ones that the average child never has. I am sure that when we get to that stage with Julia, we will be filled with a whole new set of emotions. But for now, I am trying not to think about that point. Rather I am just enjoying every moment with Julia – every smile, every cuddle!