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The Big Question

on July 4, 2011

(EDITED 8:50PM – MORE ADDED – italics)

I know a question on everyone’s mind is “Are you and Richard going to have more children?”  How do I know this?  Well, we have had that question asked of us already – in fact, Richard got it from TWO different people on the same day just TWO WEEKS after Alexander had died (and not friends – these were people that were providing Richard a service – dental hygenist and a massage therapist).

The other day someone asked me if I had “given his things away” yet!   Hmmm….um, no – not quiet ready for THAT yet, it has only been 3 months!

I am sure people are feeling “sorry” for us that our only child has died and don’t want us to be “alone” in our lives.  Please don’t feel sorry for us.  Feel glad, that we had our wonderful boy, even if it was for such a short while

So in answer to everyone’s questions – we DO plan on having more children.  As to WHEN, well, we don’t know the answer to that one.  We aren’t “planning” on getting pregnant this week!   But, when the time is right and we are ready we will consider it.  We are of course scared – scared of what could happen to another child.  Could that child get cancer to?  Yes.  Is there any more of a chance of this child getting cancer, than Alexander had? We are not sure.  Neuroblastoma is not considered to be “genetic” but there are “markers” for the disease, but as to how good the tests are for those, we just don’t know at this time.

So – what can people do?  Well, please don’t ask us our plans, because well, I haven’t asked YOU, YOUR plans about future children, I mean, really, is that ANYONES business!?!?   Baby making and pregnancy can be a pretty private matter.  We had trouble getting pregnant with Alexander in the first place.  I know people that CAN’T get pregnant at all – to ask people, especially ones that aren’t your best friends,  such person questions can be hurtful. So please be careful, when you are “just trying to be nice”

You CAN continue pray for us – pray that we continue to heal from the pain of Alexander’s death.  Each day is different. Some days are easier than others. 


7 responses to “The Big Question

  1. Jeanne Morganelli says:

    Well said my friend!

    • Erika says:

      Awesome. Take your time and when the time is right, you will know. No one should be pressuring you. You have loved your little boy no one will replace him. Wait and see when it feels right. I love you guys and wish you well in your journey though the mourning.

  2. Erin M. says:

    Nancy, While I’m sure that people do wonder this (as they would of any couple with children, I’m sure), this is between you, Richard, and God.

    Still, since you shared, I want to share this also. My mother has said a couple times that she’s glad that they didn’t know about my medical conditions (which are genetic with a high incidence of passing from parrent to child) when I was young. She’s glad that they didn’t have to think about whether to get pregnant again after having me. Because my younger brother and sister are both perfectly healthy, wonderful, beautiful people. Love, Erin

  3. cloakeynotes says:

    Amen, sister! It is appalling what people will say to somebody who is grieving. I am glad you found me on here. Keep writing and keep searching. Together, with others who have been affected by this horrible disease, we will end neuroblastoma. It may push us pass our limit, but we have to push back, be stronger than this stupid disease.

  4. jane says:

    Wow Nancy, you are so kind, I am not sure I could ask anyone that and perhaps that is why the 2 people who asked Richard don’t have a personal, day to day connection with you both, maybe they felt more comfortable asking b/c they didn’t experience this with you? I applaud you for even responding to this question, it’s just how can you even think like that at this time…..?????? People ask me that question too and I think, I don’t know what I’m having for lunch or doing tomorrow….how do I now what next year will bring. We can’t control all this stuff in our lives, we can make plans, but only God can make them happen (loose scripture from Proverbs)


  5. Cathie says:

    Continuing to pray for you guys! And whatever and whenever you plan to do what ever you plan, God Bless you both!

  6. Deb says:

    Well said Nancy. I’m so sorry that people feel they have the right to ask you and Richard those kind of questions. Shame on them. Hugs and prayers heading your way.

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